And now I find myself 3 weeks later. I told ben i didnt like him and so he wrote me a big paragraph of how bad of a person i am. I was so mad. All my friends hate him. I dont hate him. Now sitting here 3 weeks later I realize I had feelings for him. And these feelings make me sad. I want to kiss him. And cuddle him. Because he is sensitive, and emotional, and pure and smart and his mind is beautiful. But at the same time he is a weirdo, and a loser, and I shouldnt even be wasting my time thinking about him.
This guy Ben likes me. And I dont know if I like him. He is 2 years older than me. He does shrooms and acid and pills and shit all the time. He has the best weed in the world. He is really nice. He is caring and honestly probably one of the nicest guys ive ever met. There are some problems. His mine is more complex than mine and I dont agree with some of his ideas. I would really like to kiss him. But nothing else. Kissing and cuddeling would be perfect but I could never see myself doing anything else with him. I dont know what I think about his looks. I am better looking than he is. I am not even sure if I find him attractive. He has brown hair and is super tall and super skinny. His face is okay. He might have nice eyes, I dont know. And his friend told me he really likes me a lot. And I dont want to date him. What the fuck. Why must I always be in these fucking bad situations. I hate life.